Friday, 15 February 2013

Pitch Perfect Transcipt

Directed by Jason Moore
Screenplay by Kay Cannon
Based on the Book by Mickey Rapkin
Produced by Paul Brooks
Beca…………..Anna Kendrick
Jesse................Skylar Astin
Benji………..………...Ben Platt
Chloe…………..Brittany Snow
Aubrey……….…..Anna Camp
Fat Amy……....Rebel Wilson
Stacie…………...Alexis Knapp
Cynthia Rose.....Ester Dean
Lilly…………...Hana Mae Lee
Bumper……….Adam Devine
Donald…Utkarsh Ambudkar
Gail………....Elizabeth Banks
John……….John Michael Higgins
Dr. Mitchell......John Benjamin Hickey

(Treblemakers Perform “Don’t Stop The Music”)
-Now this is exactly the kind of performance you would expect to see at the international Championship of Collegiate a Cappella. Am I right, Gail?
-Oh John, you’re so right everything else seems wrong.
-Boy these Barden University Treblemakers always thrill the judges. And the ladies in the room cannot get enough
-So true John. Nothing makes a woman feel more like a girl than a man who sings like a boy.
(Chloe in a rush running through corridor)
-Chloe, look at you. You’re a mess. You’re unfocused. You’re unreliable. And your breath smells like egg. Like all the time. I can’t believe the Bellas are being passed onto you two slut bags after we graduate. Just don’t eff up your solo.
-I won’t disappoint you. My dad always says, ‘if you’re not here to win, get the hell out of Kuwait.’
-Has your dad ever told you to shut up?
-I’m fine
(One of the Treblemakers does a jump split)
-Ouch! Boy that hurt.
-Sexy man-splits
-His pain is our gain, Gail
-The Treblemakers, ladies and gentlemen please give them a round of applause.
-Alright, good luck guys.
-Good luck out there. Seriously you girls are horrible. I hate you, kill yourselves. Girl power! Sisters before misters!
-Alright ladies, it’s now or never. Hands in!
-One, two....      (Bellas make a heavenly angel sound)
-Up now the Barden Bellas!
-Well the Bellas tonight are making history as the first ever all-female group to advance to the ICCA finals.
-That’s right John. Now why do you think it’s taken so long for an all-lady group to break through that a Cappella glass ceiling?
-Well Gail, the women typically cannot hit the low notes, which really round out an arrangement, thrill the judges and that can really hurt them in competition. Women are about as good at a Cappella as they are being doctors.
-One, two, three, four
(Bellas perform “The Sign”)
-Is it me or did we just take a left turn into Snoozeville?
-Yeah and we parked in a lot where they do not validate.
(Aubrey throws up during her solo)
-No! Holy...
-This is a surprise!
-This has never happened!
-Now this is how you bring some excitement to the International Championship of Collegiate A Cappella.
-She had a weeks worth of lunch and lost it.
-Well, she didn’t lose it. We know exactly where it is. It’s all over the third row.
-No, no...

(Opening Credits – “212” by Azealia Banks ft. Lazy Jay)
-I got it. Thanks
-Hi there! Welcome to Barden University. What dorm?
-Um, Baker Hall, I think 
-Okay. So what you’re going to do is you’re gonna go down this way, you’re gonna take a right and you go through those double doors...
(Jesse singing along to some song in the car)
-Your campus map. And your official BU rape whistle. Don’t blow unless it’s actually happening.
-Hey, um. You must be Kimmy Jin. I’m Beca. No English? Yes English? Just tell me where you’re at with English.
-There he is. I’m Benji, you must be Jesse.
-And you must be kidding. Wow!
-Looking at it now, I can see that it’s a bit much. I can take it down.
-No no way. I mean, it took a second for my eyes to adjust, but I can roll with this.
-Look just so you know, I’m not a total nerd. I also happen to be super into close-up magic.
-Dude, that’s awesome. How long was that little guy in there?
-Several days
(Beca remixing “Bust A Move”)
-Hey this is campus police. Hide your wine coolers.’s your old man making a funny.
-Chris Rock everybody.
-Hey, you must be Beca’s roommate. I’m Dr. Mitchell, Beca’s dad. I teach Comparative Literature here. (weirded out by Kimmy Jin...awkward silence) So, when did you get here? How did you get here?
-Took a cab. Didn’t wanna inconvenience you and Sheila. How is the stepmonster?
-She is fine, thank you for asking. She’s actually in Vegas at a conference...
-Oh, No dad I don’t actually care. I just wanted to say “stepmonster.”
-So, have you guys been out on the quad yet? In the springtime, all the students study on the grass.
-I don’t wanna study on the grass, dad. I need to move to LA and get a job at a record label and start paying my dues.
-Here we go again. You know Beca, DJing is not a profession, it’s a hobby. Unless you’re Rick Dees or someone awesome.
-That’s not... I... ergh...I wanna produce music. I wanna make music, Dad.
-But you’re going to get a college education first. For free, I might add. End of Story.
-I’m going to the Activities Fair.
-Me too. I’m going to the activities fair with my super good friend, Kimmy Jin.
-Taking names, taking numbers. Join our righteous frat. If you ain’t pledging Sigma Beta, you ain’t worth no crap.
-That’s  a double negative. That’s a lot of negatives.
-Follow me. There’s only one group on this campus worth joining. As far as Barden goes, that’s what being a man is all about.
(Treblemakers burst into song – “Let It Whip”)
-The Treblemakers. The rock stars of a cappella, the messiahs of Barden. Well, you know, not including athletes, frat guys or actual cool people.
-Organized nerd singing. This is great.
-Yeah, it makes so much sense. How your voice?
(Jesse samples it....apparently good...)
-Woah, nice.
-I will stop at nothing to take those ding-a-lings down.
-Hey Barb. You gonna audition this year? We have openings.
-Now that you’ve puked your way to the bottom, you might actually consider me? I auditioned for you three times and never got in because you said my boobs looked like baloney. The word’s out. Bellas is the laughing stock of a cappella. Good luck auditioning this year. Douche-b’s.
-My God. This is a travesty. God, if we can’t even recruit Baloney Bard, then we can’t get anybody.
-Just take the dramatics down a notch, okay? Hi do you wanna-
-Well you’re the one who got us into this hot mess.
-We’ll be fine. I am confident that we will find eight super-hot girls with bikini-ready bodies who can harmonize and have perfect pitch. Okay? Hi would you like to be a member of... Just keep flyering. We have tradition to uphold.
-How about we just get good singers?
-What? Good singers? What?
-Hi. Can you sing?
-Can you read music?
-Can you match pitch?
-Try me.
(Fat Amy tries to match Chloes pitch and goes a bit overboard with her moves)
-Yeah. That was a really good start.
-I’m the best singer in Tasmania, With teeth.
-Love it.
-What’s your name?
-Fat Amy call yourself fat Amy?
-Yeah, so twig bitches like you don’t do it behind my back.
-I will see you in auditions, Fat Amy.
-I can sing but I’m also good at modern dance, olden dance and uh..mermaid dancing. Which is a little different. You usually start on the ground.
-It’s a lot of floor work.
-I see that.
-Ah yeah, DJs. Deaf Jews. Ohh... (imitates dj playing faulty discs)
-That’s not a real word but keep trying. You will get there.
-Not a lot of Jewish people where you’re from?
-No. I did do Fiddler on the Roof though in High School. I was like me and some Aboriginals. It was really Jewish. It was full-on Jew. Hey guys. Alright, I’ll give you my number.
-What about her?
-I dunno, she looks a little too alternative for us.
-Hi, any interest in joining our a cappella group?
-Oh right. So this is like, a thing now.
-Oh totes. We sing covers of songs but we do it without any instruments. It’s all from our mouths.
-There’s four groups on campus. The Bellas. That’s us. We’re the tits. The BU Harmonics. They sing a lot of Madonna. The high notes. They’re not particularly motivated. And then there’s... (hesitates) So are you interested?
-Sorry, its just, it’s pretty lame.
-A-ca-scuse me? Synchronized lady dancing to Mariah Carey chart topper is not lame.
-We sing all over the world and we compete in national championships.
-On purpose?
-We played the Cobb Energy Performing Arts Centre, you bitch!
-What Aubrey means to say is that we are a close-knit, talented group of ladies whos dream is to return to the national finals at Lincoln Centre this year. Help us turn our dreams into a reality?
-Sorry, I don’t even sing, but it was really nice to meet you guys.
-What are we gonna do?

-When you came in and you were like just strumming the guitar and it was like totally off-key, I wanted to choke you!
-I wanted to choke you out!
-Okay, I’m gonna go introduce myself. Everybody be cool, it’s just a normal day. Hi. Hi. Benjamin Applebaum. I saw you guys perform at a Mall of America like three years ago. Totally changed my life. I have not stopped thinking about you since.
-Thank you.
-And, Bumper, huge fan. Your arrangement of Lovin’ Spoonful’s Do You Believe In Magic inspired me to become a certified illusionist.
-The smell of your weird is actually affecting my vocal cords so I’m gonna need you to scoot. Skedaddle.
-But why don’t we just exchange emails, and then totally hang out right now, together?
-No. Hard pass. Hard pass. What a nerd alert. Okay guys, now let’s match pitch.
-Too far.
-You think?
-Should I have done another trick?
-No I think your trick was fine. I just think the talking was a little weird. Maybe you can try to facebook message him.

(“Punching In A Dream” by The Naked and Famous)
-Hey, I’m Beca
-Over there.
-Ninety-five point seven, WBUJ, music for the independent mind.
(“Keep You” by Wild Belle)
-Have you been standing there long?
-No. No, I just got here, I wasn’t just standing here.
-Freshmen aren’t allowed in the booth
-I’m Luke, station manager. You must be Becky the intern?
-Um, it’s uh...
(Jesse rushes in)
-Hey, man what’s up. I’m Jesse
-I’m Luke. You’re late.
-Hey, I know you.
-No you don’t
-Yeah, I do.
-He doesn’t.
-I totally know her.
-Okay, cool. Well you guys can figure it out while you’re stacking CD’s. When you’re done, there’s more. Now you guys will be spending a lot of down time together, so please just no sex on the desk. I’ve been burned before.
-I do know you. I sang to you. I remember because you were in a taxi. Wait, is your dad a taxi driver?
-No. This sucks. I wanted to play music.
-Not me. I’m here for one reason only. I really love stacking CDs. So what’s your deal? You one of those girls who’s all dark and mysterious then she takes of her glasses and that amazingly scary ear spike and you realize that, you know she was beautiful the whole time.
-I don’t wear glasses.
-Then you’re half way there.
(Beca listens to “Titanium” and “I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles)” remix)
(Knock at door)
-Beca. Beca, wake up. Funny this doesn’t look like your intro to Philosophy class.
-I’m posing an important philosophical question. If I don’t actually go to that class, will it still suck?
-Look, honey. College’s great. You get to create memories here, I see it every day. You just have to give it a chance. You’ve been here, what, a month now? Do you have any friends?
-Kimmy Jin is my friend.
-You gotta get out there, Bec. You gotta try something.
-I got a job at the radio station.
-Great, that place. Yeah, it’s dark and dirty and has like, what, those three weirdos who work there?
-Well, four now,
-You gotta try something new Bec. Join one club on campus. And if, at the end of the year, you still don’t want to be here, you still want to go off to LA and be P. Diddy, well then, you can quit college. And I will help you move to LA.
-Yes, seriously. But I really need to see it Beca. This is college. Join in.

(Beca singing “Titanium” in shower room)
-You can sing!
-How high does your belt go?
-My what? Oh my god!
-You have to audition for the Bellas.
-I can’t concentrate on anything you’re saying until you cover your junk.
-Just consider it. One time we sang backup for Prince. His butt is so tiny that I can hold it with like one hand. Oops!
-Seriously. I am nude.
-You were singing Titanium right?
-You know David Guetta?
-Have I been living under a rock? Yeah. That song is my jam. My lady-jam.
-That’s nice
-It is. That song really builds.
-Can you sing it for me?
-Dude, no. Get out!
-Not for that reason. I’m not leaving here till you sing. So...
(Beca, Chloe sing Titanium)
-Yeah. I’m pretty confident about all this.
-You should be. I still need to shower.
-You have a lovely voice.
-Yeah. See you at auditions!
(Fogell from Superbad!!)
-For your audition, each of you will be singing sixteen bars of Kelly Clarkson’s Since You’ve Been Gone. If a group likes you, they will contact you directly. My tone-deaf sidekick Justin here will be collecting your information.
-If I could sing a lick, in any human way possible, I would but I can’t. And I hate myself everyday because of it!
-I know. But if you think this is  just some high school club, where you can sing and dance your way through any big social issue, or confused sexuality, you have come to the wrong place. There is none of that here. That’s high school. This shit is real life! Now, don’t just bring it, sing it. And let’s do this.
-Hey Bellas. Remember when you tried to play in the big leagues and you choked? That should really be a lesson to everyone. If you sing the same girly shit every year, you will blow chunks. All over the place. Vomit everywhere.
-My fellow a-ca-people. We will not let egotistical, big-headed, garbage dirtballs, whoever you may be, get in our way. I promise you, we will return to the ICCAs and finish what we started last year.
-And here’s our first one up. Good luck.
-Whenever you’re ready dude.
-Yeah, hi my name is Cynthia Rose.
-Oh not a dude. It’s not a dude.
(begin singing a cappella of “Since U Been Gone”)
-Oh there’s no backup dancers? Okay.
-Hello my name is Lily Onakuramara. I have gills like a fish.
-I’m sorry, what was that?
- Hello my name is Lily Onakuramara. I was born with gills like a fish. One, two, three, four.
-Hi everybody, my name is Stacie. My hobbies include cuticle care and the E! Network.
-It’s high. Jesus.
-Thank you. Performing live gives me such a rush.
-Crushed it.
-Okay. That is everybody. I’m really not that impressed this year guys.
-Uh wait, there’s one more. Hi.
-Hello. Um...I didn’t know we had to prepare that song.
-That’s okay. Sing anything you want.
-Uh...may I?
(Beca performs “Cups”)

-The sopranos. Jessica, Mary Elise, Lilly. The mezzos. Cynthia Rose, Stacie, Kori. And our altos. Fat Amy, Denise, Ashley and Beca. We shall begin by drinking the blood of the sisters that came before you.
-Dude, no.
-Don’t worry it’s Boone’s Farm.
-Well, well, well, look who’s in Treble.
-Classic pun.
-I know.
-No Benji?
-Now, if you’ll place your scarves in your right hand.
-I, sing your name...
-I...(all sing names at the same time sounding unharmonized)
-Promise to fulfil the duties and responsibilities of a Bella woman.
- Promise to fulfil the duties and responsibilities of a Bella woman.
-And I solemnly promise to never have sexual relations with a Treblemaker or may my vocal cords be ripped out by wolves.
- And I solemnly promise to never have sexual relations with a Treblemaker or may my vocal cords be ripped out by wolves.
-You are all Bellas now.
(all scream)
-We did it.
-I want some more of this.
-Did we?
(“Before We Fall In Love” plays in background)
-Ladies welcome to a-ca-initiation night. Prepare to soften the beach.
-I don’t know what I’m doing here.
-Just living the dream. I still can’t believe they let my sexy fat ass in.
-Beca! Beca!
-Be-caw! Be-caw. Do my eyes deceive me or are you a Barden Bella?
-You’re one of those a cappella girls, I’m one of those a cappella boys, and we’re gonna have a-ca-children. It’s inevitable.
-You’re really drunk right now. I don’t think you’re gonna remember any of this.
-No. I’m not drunk at all, you’re just blurry.
-You okay? Yeah?
-You almost fell over?
-No, she didn’t. You know I could...
-Can you pass a sobriety test right now?
-Can you stand up straight?
-See how I come right back? And I come right back.
-Right. Wow.
-Can I get you a drink?
-It sounds great.
-I’m gonna go get you a drink.
-Go for it.
-I think you need to get on this level.
-Please be careful.
-Hi. I am so glad that I met you. I think that we’re gonna be really best friends.
-Yeah. Well, you saw me naked, so...
-Oh yeah. Ladies gather around. Ready for a show.
-Come on baby bubble, wait in line.
-You want some of this.
-I know you do
-Mmm-Bumber and Donald. Getting it. Getting it.
-You know so there’s like 10 of us.
-That means that one of us is probably a lesbian.
-You think? Which one do you think it is?
-My money’s on Black Beauty.
-So when I drink too much tonight, can I count on you to hold my hair back if I puke?
-Don’t tell her I said that.
-Alright. I’m gonna go get a drink. This ginger needs her jiggle juice. See you later.
-Make good choices.
-I thought of a new name for this hairstyle. It’s called the Orthodox Jew ponytail.
-Cause it’s very reserved at the front...
-I see that
-But party at the back.
-I see these happening here.
(Justin plays “Keep Your Head Up” by Andy Grammer)
-Here’s the real question. Who would be easier to sleep with? Captain America or a great white shark?
-Great white shark, I wouldn’t...
-Hey what are you turd burgers talking about? Dressing for comfort?
-You are probably the grossest human being I’ve ever seen.
-Well you’re no panty-dropper yourself.
-So I have a feeling that we should kiss. And is that feeling a good feeling or an incorrect feeling?
-Well, I sometimes have a feeling I can do crystal meth, but then I think, mmm “better not.”
-I don’t know the words, but I can...
-This is awesome
-It’s definitely something.
-We are the kings of campus!
(Benji singing alone in his room)
-Man, the old Bellas was hot!
-Yeah, they kept it tight.
-Okay. Sopranos in the front and altos in the back. As you can see, Kori is not here. Last night she was Treble-boned. She has been disinvited from the Bellas.
-That oath was serious?
-Dixie Chicks serious. You can fool around with whoever you want to, just not a treble.
-That’s not gonna be easy. He’s a hunter.
-You call it a dude?
-Stacie, the Trebles don’t respect us and if we let them penetrate us, we are giving them our power.
-Not a good enough reason to use the word “penetrate.”
-So, does anyone here have anything to confess?
-It was an accident. I...
-Turn in your scarf and go.
-(coughs) slut.
-Take your chair.
-Was that necessary?
-This is war, Beca, and it is my job to make sure that my soldiers are prepped at go time with three kick-ass songs sung and choreographed to perfection. And there are only four months until regionals. So if you have a problem with the way I run the Bellas, then you should just...
-Don’t stress Aubrey. Relax. We don’t want a repeat of what happened last year.
-What happened last year?
-What are you saying?
-What happened last year? And do you guys wanna see a dead body?
-Ooh click on “Guy Pukes on Cat.”
-Enough! It happened. It’s over. We will practice every day for at least two hours, seven days a week. And I trust you will add your own cardio.
-Why cardio?
-Yeah, no, don’t put me down for cardio.
-Okay, moving on. This is a list of all the songs that we have ever performed. And you will notice that we only do songs made famous by women.
-There’s nothing from this century on here.
-Because we don’t stray from tradition. Now this is how we will become champions.
(“Starships” by Nikki Minaj plays)
-Come on girls! Let’s go!  Go, go, go! Pick up your knees! Faster, faster! One, two, one, two, one two! Knees up, knees up! Go, go! Go! Let’s get it! Yes, Chloe. Nice. Amy! What are you doing?
-I’m doing horizontal running.
-Horizontal running?
-I know I can’t do it.
-Five, six, seven, eight.
-Left you all alone
-Okay, I’m calling it.
-Thank God I asked to go to the bathroom three hours ago.
-Nothing. I hear nothing.
-Hey Aubrey. Did we just learn the same choreography from that video?             
-Okay don’t forget to pick up your performance schedules. We have a gig next week. That’s right. Next week.
-You guys, it’s the Sigma Beta Theta’s Annual Fall Mixer.
-Okay, hand in, Bellas. Hands in a-ca-bitches!
-Sing “ah.”
-No, no, no. It’s actually on three, Fat Amy. Alright on three. One, two…
-(unsynchronized sounds aweful)
-Okay, we will work on that first thing next time. Okay guys.
-She has man hands.
-Beca, a word?
-What’s up?
-You know you’ll have to take those ear monstrosities out for the Fall Mixer.
-You really don’t like me, do you?
-I don’t like your attitude.
-You don’t even know me.
-I know you have a toner for Jesse.
-A what?
-A toner. A musical boner. I saw it at Hood Night. It’s distracting.
-Yeah, that’s not a thing and you’re not the boss of me. So…
-You took an oath.
-That oath cost you two girls already today. I’m pretty sure you need me more than I need you.
-I can see your toner through those jeans.
-That’s my dick.
-Everything okay?
-We better have our shit together before SBT.
-I’m not worried. I think we’re gonna be a-ca-awesome.
(all badly sing “Turn The Beat Around”)
-This makes my beer taste bad.
-I’m gonna stop this. Woah, woah. Just stop. Stop.
-I am so sorry, Howie. I know we’re not performance ready.
-I wanted the hot Bellas, not this barnyard explosion. I’m not paying for this. Let’s go. Come on.
-God. Well, I hope you all remember the way you feel right now, so you will never wanna feel this way again. Chloe, your voice didn’t sound Aguilerian at all. Chloe, for serious, what is wrong with you?
-I have nodes.
-What? My God.
-I found out this morning.
-What are nodes?
-Vocal nodules. The rubbing together of your vocal cords at above-average rates without proper lubrication.
-They sit on your windpipe and they crush your dreams.
-Isn’t that painful? Why would you keep performing?
-Because I love to sing.
-Yeah, it’s like when my lady doctor told me not to have sex for six weeks, and I did it anyway.
-You should really listen to your doctor.
-They key is early diagnosis. I am living with nodes. But I am a survivor. I just have to pull back. Because I am limited. Because I have nodes.
-Chloe this is horrible.
-Well at least it’s not herpes. Or do you have that as well?
(“Rome” by Yeasayer plays in background)
(Jesse tries to flirt with Beca and be funny with the record covers)
-I’m starving so could you…
-You want me to get you lunch? You should probably lay off the burgers. You’re not gonna be 22 forever, you know.
-Yeah, I think I’m good.
-He’s good. You’re good.
-And the chess match continues.
-Ah hey, this is my new mix, so if there’s anything you wanted to play…
-Yeah, okay. I’ll put it on the pile.
-What’s up, weirdo?
-Okay. What’s this?
-As much as I love spending time with you stacking CDs…and I do. I love it, like more than life. I figured we could do some other fun things that don’t make us wanna kill ourselves, right?
-So, brought some movies. Jaws, E.T., The Breakfast  Club, Star Wars and Rocky. Best scored and soundtracked movies of all time. That’s what I wanna do when I grow up. I wanna score movies. Bring people to tears, you know. Blow their minds. I feel like only music can do that.
-Yeah. You must really sweep your girlfriend off her feet.
-I don’t have a girlfriend?
-You have juice pouches and Rocky.
-Okay, so what do you wanna watch first?
-Wanna do something else? We could relive my parents’ divorce. Or visit a gynaecologist.
-What, do you not like movies or something? Like any movies? You don’t…What the hell is wrong with you? How do you not like movies? Not liking movies is like not liking puppies.
-They’re fine. I just get bored and never make it to the end.
-The endings are the best part.
-They’re predictable. Like, the guy gets the girl and that kid sees dead people and Darth Vader is Luke’s father.
-Okay, right, so you just happen to guess the biggest cinematic reveal in history?
-“Vader” in German means father. His name is literally “Darth Father.”
-Huh. So you know German. Well now I know why you don’t like fun things. You know, you need a movie education. You need a movie-cation. And I’m gonna give it to you.
-Yeah, in between Bellas rehearsals, which are always.
-Are you guys getting ready for the riff-off?
-What the hell is a riff-off?

-Hit it! Welcome to the riff-off! Who’s ready to get vocal? The winners get the greatest prize of all..
-I’m taking you down
-..the microphone used by Hoobastank…
-I don’t care
-…when they rocked out at the Schnee Performing Arts Centre. Let’s see our first category. Ladies of the 80’s.
(Riff-off begins with Trebles singing “Mickey”)
(Followed with, “Like A Virgin” “Hit Me With Your Best Shot” “It Must Have Been Love”)
-The negative side effects of medical marijuana, folks. You are…Cut off! Stoney Baloney. Let’s check out our next category.
-So we just pick any song that works?
-Yeah, any song.
-And you just go with it? Nice
-And our next category is…songs about sex.
(Bellas start with Rihanna’s “S&M”)
(Followed with “Let’s Talk About Sex” “I’ll Make Love To You” “Feels Like The First Time”)
(Beca raps to “No Diggity”)
-Keep going
-I mean you’re welcome.
-It’s a tough blow ladies. The word you needed to match was “it.” And you sang, “it’s.” You are…cut off!
-Are you serious?
-The Trebles win!
-Beca, I’m sorry. You lost.
-I’ve never heard that rule! Ladies, ladies, come on. Come back.
-Sorry. Money in the bank. Enjoy watching us win the ICCAs. On the TV. On a regional cable affiliate.
-Before everybody goes to bed tonight, I need you to make a list of everything you did wrong.
-I’m gonna melt that cabbage patch kid.
-Hey guys, what we just did was great, right?
-Calm your pits Beca, we still lost.
-Yeah but it was spontaneous. It was awesome. We were actually listening to…
-Okay everybody, hands in. “Ahh” on my count. On three of after three?
-On three.
-After three.
-One, two, three.
-That’s not how we do it.
-Why can’t we figure this out?
(Beca showing “Bulletproof” remix to Jesse)
 -So, I uh just find songs that have the same chord progressions and create a track that blends them together. So like, this is the new bass line, and this is matching up downbeats. I’m talking really loud. Um..that’s me singing.
-This is really good. Now I’m the one yelling, right? That is amazing, Beca.
-So, I brought this over because I wanna watch you watch the end of this movie. And then I can die a hero. Wait, actually…
-You have a habit of making yourself at home, did you know that?
-Yeah. Okay. The Breakfast Club. 1985. Greatest ending to any movie ever. This song launched Simple Minds in the US. Could have been a Billy Idol song, but he turned it down. Idiot. Perfectly sums up the movie. It’s equally beautiful and sad.
-That is fascinating.
-Tell me. What does Judd Nelson eat for breakfast?
-Well, like all misunderstood rebels, he feeds on hypocrisy.
-And black coffee to help him with his morning dumps.
-You’re an idiot.
-It’s true. I’m full of fun facts.
-You should let other people tell you they’re fun.
(from The Breakfast Club in the background)
-And an athlete.
-And a basket case.
-A princess
-And a criminal.
-Does that answer your question? Sincerely yours, the Breakfast Club.
-You’re missing the ending.
-Sorry. It’s good. I’m sure the beginning is…
-The white girl is back.
-And I’m out. Always a pleasure, Kimmy Jin. So…Excuse me.
-I should have taken that cardio tip more seriously.
-How much have you done?
-You just saw it.
-Chloe, you gotta be able to hit that last note. 
-I can’t. It’s impossible. And it’s because of my nodes.
-Her nodes. Her nodes.
-Well if you can’t do it, then someone else needs to solo.
-I think Beca should take my solo.
-Yeah Beca would be excellent. But also someone else might be equally as excellent.
-It’s true.
-And they might be shy and not wanna come forward and say they wanted a solo.
-Well Beca doesn’t want a solo, so…
-I would be happy to do it if I got to pick a new song and do an arrangement.
-Well that’s not how we run things here.
-Aubrey, maybe Beca has a point. Maybe we could try something new.
-A-ca-scuse me? You can sing Turn the Beat Around and that’s the last I wanna hear of this.
-That song is tired. We’re not gonna win with it. If we pull samples from different genres and layer them together, we could make some…
-Okay let me explain something to you because you still don’t seem to get it. Our goal is to get back to the finals and these songs will get us there. So, excuse me if I don’t take advice from some alt-girl with her mad-lib beats because she’s never been in a competition. Have I made myself clear?
-Crystal. I won’t solo.
-Fine. Fat Amy?
-Yes, sir?
-You’ll solo.
-Yes! Yes. (draws heart shape on her tee)

-Welcome ladies and gentlemen. The 2012 southeastern regional competition has officially begun.
-Yes, I’m Gail Abernathy McCadd and to my right is fellow a cappella alum John Smith and we are live from Carolina University. It’s a new season for a cappella. The regionals begin the long road to Lincoln Centre where all of these youngsters hope to one day win a trophy by making music with their mouths.
(Sockappellas perform “F**k You”)
-A cappella out of sock puppets? Genius.
-Yeah, look at the black one with the white sock. 
-It’s making a statement.
-There’s no craft there. Watching them will make you worse.
-At least they’re different.
-And the Sockapellas, once again proving that it doesn’t get better for everyone after high school.
-Do we clap?
-No, we don’t.
-Hands in. Remember, “ahh” on three. One, two…
-Wait you said we’d-
-I’m sorry.
-It’s ok. It’s gonna be okay. Okay.
-Let’s give it up for the Barden Bellas!
-Wow. This does not look like the fresh-faced nubile Bellas that we have come to know. Is it me or are those skirts just not working anymore?
-You’re walking the line, John. It’s a nice surprise to see the Bellas mixing it up. It’s refreshing yet displeasing to the eye.
-One, two, three, four
(The Bellas perform “The Sign” and “Eternal Flame”)
-The Barden Bellas bring back the same song they sang at last year’s finals. And all eyes will be on senior Aubrey Posen. She could toss some cookies at any moment. And she makes it through, folks. No cookie toss. John, a change of pace could not come soon enough here for the Barden Bellas. This is not a great way to start their season.        
-Yeah. This number is like an elephant dart to the public’s face.
-Yeah, Fat Amy!
-The Barden Bellas went deep into the archive for that song, John. I remember singing it with my own a cappella group.
-And what group was that, Gail?
-The Minstrel Cycles, John,
-Well that’s an unfortunate name.
-Thank you. Really incredible, ladies and gentlemen, the Bellas. Amazing. You know, there must be something in the water there at Barden University, cause this next group is also from Barden. Ladies and gentlemen, the Barden University Treblemakers.
-Here we go, the Barden Treblemakers. They’re on the trail for Lincoln Centre, huh?
-Absolutely, they always are, Gail. My favourite and everyone’s favourite. Now it says here in my notes that their front man Bumper Allen has recently released his own line of sports sandals.
(Treblemakers perform “Right Round”)
-Boy, the bad boys of a cappella have just gotten badder.
-Whoo! That’s right, John. I’m gonna have to excuse myself to freshen up the downtown.
-Can I help?
-Ladies and gentlemen, the moment we’ve all been waiting for. The results of tonight’s regional competition. In third place, the Sockappellas. In second place, and advancing to this years’ semi finals, the Barden Bellas.
-Yes! Awesome!
-Nice, nice.
-And the winner of tonight’s regional competition, defending their crown, ladies and gentlemen, the Barden University Treblemakers!
-Way to go, Trebles!
-Yes! Yes!
-That’s right!

(Past a cappella graduates perform “Booty Wurk (One Cheek At A Time)”)
-I’m willing to sign breasts. Yes, I’m will to sing bre----ohh look who it is. Old dudes. Get a life.
-Sonic boom
-Just cause we graduated a few years ago, doesn’t mean we can’t still get off performing our oral magic, alright?
-Oral magic?
-Whoa, whoa, whoa, buddy, buddy. Are you looking for what I’m looking for?
-Yeah a fight? You looking for a fight?
-Please, please. Please say you’re looking for a fight. Please, please say you’re looking for a fight.
-Yes! I will fight. I would fight him, but I tore a quad within the midst of the dance…
-Hey Ghandi. Hey, you, are we doing this or what? Hit me.
-Let’s get in on
-I’ve wrestled crocodiles and dingoes simultaneously.
-Come here!
-Why do you want me to hit you? I don’t wanna do that.
-I need to feel something. Hit me as hard as you can. Hit me hard. Take this. Take this. I want you to hit me.
-I’m just gonna…I’m just gonna check on them.
-The kraken has been unleashed. Feel the Fat Amy force!
-Oh my god. Oh my god.
-That’s fantastic!
-Amy, don’t. Amy!
-Feel the fat power!
-Fat Amy! Kick me in the balls!
-Give me the sharp weapon, I wanna put it up his butt!
-Ooh! Cherry on top.
(trophy flies through glass shattering it into pieces)
-Which way you running?
-This way. This way.
-Vertical running! I’m vertical running.

(Beca leaves Police Station)
-Hey Hilary Swank from Million Dollar Baby.
-Hey, you know you just have to say, “Hey, Million Dollard Baby.” You don’t have to reference the specific actress.
-Damn. Prison changed you.
-Thanks for bailing me out.
-Well I didn’t.
-You called my dad?
-I know, I know, but they we putting you in handcuffs, Bec. It looked pretty serious.
-That doesn’t mean you call my dad.
-Who else was I gonna call? Okay, why are you yelling at me? I’m the only one here.
-I didn’t ask you to be.
-I was just trying to help you.
-I don’t need your help, you’re not my boyfriend.
-Got it.
-Dad it’s not a big deal.
-Yeah it is a big deal. I get a call in the middle of the night saying my daughter’s been arrested for destruction of property.
-It was a misunderstanding and I was protecting my friends. I was putting myself out there. Making memories.
-If you think I’m paying for you to go to LA after a stunt like this, I’m not. Get in the car.
-You’re not even gonna hear what I have to say about this?
-No, not tonight. Just get in.      
(All Bellas crammed into Beca’s dorm)
-What up, Shawshank?
-Did you get yourself a bitch?
-Did they spray you with a hose?
-I did a turn at County.
-You guys waited up for me?
-Of course we waited up for you.
-They’ve been here for hours. It’s a real inconvenience Beca.
-Beca, I’m glad you’re here. I’m calling an emergency Bella meeting.
-First up…
-Our score sheet revealed that the Sockappellas almost beat us. And Fat Amy, you need to do it exactly how we rehearsed it, okay? No surprises.
-We should be taking risks. It’s not enough to be good, we need to put ourselves out there, be different.
-Beca’s right. The Trebles never sing the same song twice.
-The audience love the Trebles, they tolerate us. We could change the face of a cappella if we…Oh my god, that sounded so queerballs. What’s happening to me? Um..let me show you this arrangement I’ve been working on.
-I didn’t know you were into this stuff.
-Okay, I have the pitch pipe, and I say that we focus on the set list as planned. From now on, there will be no more wasting time with work or school or boyfriends or partners. Sorry, Cynthia Rose.
-But Aubrey, this stuff is pretty cool. I mean…
-Okay rehearsal tomorrow. 8:00am sharp.

(bulletproof song) DAY OF THE SEMI FINALS
-Hey! This is my track! You’re playing my song right now! That is awesome! You like it? You put it on the radio! That is amazing!
-It’s a sick beat.
-Yeah, I always thought her beats were pretty sick.
-Hey, Becky, listen spring break, I want you to take the night shift. Play your music. The DJ at the garage does a brilliant version of this, but yours? It’s better.
-Yeah it is.
-I’m gonna listen to her tonight. I think you should… You should come with.
-I have a thing.
-Flight attendant training?
-It’s Barden Bellas. I have the semi-finals tonight.
-Really? I did not have you pegged as an a cappella girl.
-That’s cause you don’t know Becky like I do. See you tonight.

(pit stop at Kean’s Gas Station)
-Okay, don’t you flat-butts worry, I got this. I’m just gonna pump and dump.
-I don’t care what you say. Sisqo live, best performance ever, I’ve ever seen. “Thong Song” isn’t his only hit.
-Alright? That’s serious.
-Yo, Bump, is that fat Amy?
-Donald, slow down! Slow down! Yeah! Alright! Hey, Amy? Sabotage!
-I’ve been shot. I’ve just been shot! Help me. 
-Fat Amy. They shot Amy. I’ve got you.  I’ve got you.
-No, no, no, I’m talking, I’m talking…I’m sitting up. 
-Alright, cool.
-There’s no need for that. No mouth to mouth. Shit. Bumper threw a big-ass burrito at me. I’m gonna kill him, I swear. I’m gonna finish him like a cheesecake.
(back on the bus)
-You’ve got yourself a little something there.
-Just leave it. It fuels my hate fire.
(Chloe starts singing “Party In The USA” then all Bellas join in)
-My God.
-It’s a…it’s…woah.
-What the hell?
-Um…it’s pretty cool actually. I think we’re just running out of gas.
-No, that can’t be. You just filled the tank. Yeah, I did. And, yet maybe I didn’t, because I got hit by flying Mexican food. And…we’re out.
-A-ca-scuse me?
-A-ca-believe it. Man, what are we gonna do?
-Maybe we could call…
-No, don’t even say it, Chloe how dare you?
-No, actually that is a really good idea, I’ve got Bumpers number.
-Why do you have Bumper’s number?
(Donald beat boxing)
-So, Bellas…what boring, estorgen-filled set have you prepared for us this evening?
-Excuse me? But you guys are gonna get pitch-slapped so hard, you man boobs are gonna concave.
-Nine miles guys.
(Lily attempts to beat box)
-That’s pretty good.
-I set fires to feel joy.
-That’s adorable.

(some really good team performs “Blame It On The Boogie”)
-Five minutes, Bellas.
-Where did he come from?
-It’s over. There’s no way we can beat the Footnotes and the Trebles.
-Whoo! That little peanut can sing.
-He really can. It sounds to me though, Gail, like his boys haven’t dropped yet, if you know what I mean.             
-If you mean his testicles, than I do, John. I do. I really do.
-A-ca-huddle, now. The top two teams go to the finals, so we just have to beat one of them. And if we do it exactly how we rehearsed it, we will get there, okay? Exactly. Hands in.
-On three or after three?
-Screw it. Let’s just do it.
-Put your hands together for the Barden Bellas!
-Okay, the Bellas are coming out. Another step in this competition and…
-One, two, three, four…
-Here we go again.
-Looks like they’re sticking to what they know.
-A little tension on the stage tonight.     
-Claws are out.
-This is just friendly, collegiate fun. It’s a tough competition, but we’re all here to have a good time.
-That’s right John. But a mistake can haunt you for the rest of your life and affect your children.
-What the hell Beca? Were you trying to screw us up?
-Are you serious?
-Newsflash. This isn’t the Beca Show.
-Okay, I’m sorry that I messed you up, but in case you hadn’t noticed, everybody pretty much dozed off during our set.
-It’s not your job to decide what we do and when we do it. Why don’t you ask the rest of the group how they felt about your little improvisation?
-It was cool. But it did take us a little bit by surprise.        
-Yeah, a lot like surprise.
-Mmmm a little.
-I told you she wasn’t a Bella.
-Aubrey, don’t.
-No, that’s okay. You don’t have to pretend, you’re allowed to have a say in the group, right?
-Your attitude sucks. You’re a grade-A pain in my ass, and I know you’re hooking up with Jesse.
-Woah, woah, Aubrey, calm down. We’re not hooking up, I swear.
-Jesus Christ! That’s perfect. Of course you’re here right now. I don’t need your help, okay? Can you back off?
-Trebles. Time to bring the pain.
-If this is what I get for trying…
-Beca? Beca, wait.
-Aubrey, it actually went really well.
-Chloe, stop!
-Excuse me.
-Oh my god. Okay.
-Beca? Beca, wait.
-And the Treblemakers seal the deal tonight.
-Unfortunately, Barden’s other group, the Bellas, do not advance and senior Aubrey Posen loses her change to redeem herself from last year’s Pukegate.

(“Open Season” by High Highs plays)
(Beca checks out the Breakfast Club soundtrack)
-Happy spring break.
(Beca watching the Breakfast Club on her laptop)
-The the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain, and an athlete, and a basket case, a princess and a criminal. Does that answer your question? Sincerely yours, the Breakfast Club.
-Oh my God. Okay.

-We are from the Collegiate A Cappella Association.
-It has come to our attention that you are not in College.
-Is this your mother?
(cell phone rings)
-This is Aubrey Posen. Yes, thank you, sir. I look forward to seeing you again at Lincoln Centre. Yes!
(Chloe receives text message. Slamming table with excitement)
(Fat Amy in the pool acting all shnaz)
(Cythia Rose receives message while playing poker)
-I’m all in bitches.            
-Okay. The a-ca-gods have looked down on us and they have given us a second chance.
-I texted Beca.
-You did what?
-She makes us better.
-That’s not an opinion for you to have, Chloe.
-Why? Because it’s not yours? You’re not always right you know.
-We will win without her.
(Beca knocks on Jesses door)
-Jesse, I know you’re in there. I can smell popcorn. Jesse, come on. Open up. Hey. I tried to call you. I left a bunch of messages.
-Yeah, I got them.
-I’m sorry that we fought. I was mad and I overreacted and I’m just…Aubrey makes me crazy.
-Seriously? You think I’m mad because you yelled at me?
-No, I know…
-No, you don’t. You think you know, but you don’t. You push away anyone who could possibly care about you. Why is that?
-I don’t know.
-Well, you better figure it out because I’m done with…Whatever this is.
-I’m done.

-Okay, stop! What is happening to us? Chloe, you sound like you smoke three packs a day. Stacie, you are so behind on choreography. And Jessica and Ashley, it’s like you haven’t been here all year long.
-Aubrey, really? We’ve literally been here the whole time.
-Aubrey, please just give us a break. It’s kind of not the same without everyone here.
-We need Beca.
-Maybe if Aubrey loosened the reins a little bit.
-Okay, shut it Chloe!
-Oh, I’m sorry. That was rude. Chloe, could you please get your head out of your ass? It’s not a hat.

-No one was more surprised than me, but I really like those girls.
-And you thought quitting was the answer?
-Seriously? You can say that to me?        
-Come on, Bec, that’s so unfair. Look your mom and I, we didn’t work. But I tried so hard to make things right between us. But you, just shut me out.
-Yeah, well, I shut everybody out. Don’t take it personally. It’s just easier.
-It’s also really lonely.
-What do I do?
-Well, that’s up to you.
-Trebles, listen up! If this is about the Bellas getting into the finals, we already know.
-I don’t give a crap about those dumb bitches. Because I’m being brought up to the musical big leagues.
-What are you talking about?
-John Mayer just asked me, personally, through an assistant, to sing backup on his new CD. I leave for Los Angeles in a few hours, so I gotta get going.
-But Bumper, what about the ICCAs? They’re this weekend.
-Sorry buddies, but I won that shit 100 times, so I’m out of here. Got a collarless leather jacket to buy. Maybe some aviators. I might get an earring. I don’t know. It’s Los Angeles. This is exciting stuff. My life rules!
-Bumpers a jerk. Alright, I said it.
-Well he’s a jerk that we need to replace.
-Pronto dente. You know he writes his own fan mail.

-Spot opened up, and it’s yours if you want it. Just one condition. Promise me you won’t             get all weird. We’re just a group of guys singing a bunch of covers of songs, okay? If you get weird, they will definitely not let you stay.
-Deal. Although                I don’t know what you mean by weird. (dove fly onto his shoulder) Got it.

-I have been there for you for so many years, and all you do is treat me like shit!
-Alright, no, okay, just shut up! Everyone! Come on, I joined this group so I could hang out with a bunch of really cool chicks. And also ‘cause I was really sick of all my boyfriends and I need to get away from that. But this is some serious horseshit. What’s that smell? Stinks everywhere. I don’t wanna be like the old Bellas.
-Yeah. I wanna be how we are now.
-Me too.
-We should have listened to Beca.
-Oh, so this is my fault?
-That’s not what I’m saying.
-No, no, no, that’s what you’re all thinking, isn’t it? That I’m the jerk. I am the girl obsessed with winning.
-Aubrey, you’re too controlling and it’s gonna ruin all of us.
-You know what, I can lose control if I want to. I can let go. This time I’m not gonna choke it down. (vomits like crazy)
-Come on, bring it! You can do better than that! That’s all you got?
-Enough! Enough!
(“Chelsea Dagger” by The Fratellis play)
-We could have been champions! Give me the pitch pipe, you bitch! Give it to me! Give it to me! Give it to me!
-I’ll protect you. I’ll protect you.
-Hands off my goodies!
(Lily falls into vomit)
(Stacie blows rape whistle)
-Move you bitches!
-Guys! Guys, stop! What is going on?
-Nothing. Nothing. This is a Bella’s rehearsal.
-I know. I just…wanted to say that I’m sorry. What I did was a really dick move and I shouldn’t have changed the set without asking you guys. And I definitely shouldn’t have left. I let you guys down and I’m really sorry. And…Aubrey, if you would have me, I want back in.
-Thank you. That would have been embarrassing.
-Beca, I know that I’ve been hard on you, okay? I know that I’ve been hard on everyone here. But I am my father’s daughter. And he always said, ‘if at first you don’t succeed, pack your bags.”
-I get it. Mine gets on me too. Not like that, but…I guess we don’t really know that much about each other. About most of you really.
-Well, I’ll confess something that none of you really know about me. I have a lot of sex.
-Yeah, we know Stacie.
-Only cause I just told you.
-This is a good idea. That was a pretty bad example, but this is a good idea. Why don’t we all go around the room, and we can all say something about ourselves that nobody else knows.
-Okay, I got something. This is hard for me to admit to you guys.
-I think we all know where this is going. Les-be-honest
-Well, for the last two years, I’ve had a serious gambling problem.
-It started when I broke up with my girlfriend.
-Whoomp! There it is.
-I still love you.
-Anyone else?
-I ate my twin in the womb.
-Okay. Um…Fat Amy?
-I’m an open book. I mean, for God’s sake you guys all call me Fat Amy. See, I guess I’m just not really living if I’m not 100% honest. And my real name is Fat Patricia.
-Okay, I’ve never really been one of those girls who had a lot of friends who were girls. And I do now. And that’s pretty cool. So, that’s me. Someone else please go.
-Okay. Over spring break, I made the courageous decision to remove my nodes. I know. The doctor said that I can’t sing above a G-sharp, maybe ever. I thought this season was over.
-It’s okay, it’s okay.
-Beca, what do we do?
(throws pitch blow, Beca misses it and falls right into the puddle of vomit)
-I’m sorry.
-Maybe not here. Alright, let’s remix this business. Um..Aubrey, would you pick a song for us, please?
-Bruno Mars, Just The Way You Are.
-Okay. Um…Chloe, are you okay to take the lead?
(sing mix of Just the Way You Are and Just A Dream)
-Hands in.
-One, two…ahhhh (Chloe hits a low note)
-What was that?
-I don’t know, I’ve never made that sound before.
-Yo, but with your messed up vocal cords, you could hit the bass notes.
-Do you know what that means? Yes, Lilly?
-I think I have something that can help us out.  
-Excuse me bitch, you don’t need to shout.
-Okay, don’t get mouthy.

(Random Group performs “Final Countdown”)
-Welcome to the finals of the 2012 international Championship of Collegiate A Cappella.
-Lincoln Centre is proud to welcome back all of these young hopefuls tonight who are hoping to win a trophy by making music with their mouths.
-This is going to be a big night, and I tell you, Gail, if you just shut your eyes.
-I’m doing it.
-Shut your eyes and get rid of all the a-ca-politics, then you can remember that being at Lincoln Centre, here in the Big Apple and singing on this storied stage is the dream of every a cappella singer.
-You said it, John.
-The University of Virginia Hullabahoos, ladies and gentlemen. There they are.
-One, two, three, swag!
-Welcome back to the international Championship of Collegiate A Cappella. This next group, they need no introduction, but I’ll do it anyway!
-Good luck.
-Thanks. You too.
-The Barden University Treblemakers!
(Trebles perform “Bright Lights Bigger City” and “Magic”)
-The Trebles closing it strong like always.
-Absolutely tight. It’s gonna be very hard to beat that tonight.
-Every other group has their work cut out for them, John.
-Well I’m glad it’s not us anymore, Gail. Those days are over, thank goodness.
-Especially since they wouldn’t have us back.
-Alright. How about that? The Barden University Treblemakers.
-I love you, awesome nerds.
-Yeah, you guys are the best. Even though some of you are pretty thin, I think that you all have fat hearts and that’s what matters. Okay, let’s just smash this. Okay?
-Ladies and gentlemen, the Barden Bellas!
-My goodness gracious. Will you look at this? Gone are those Bella uniforms and this is a whole new look for them, and it is hot, hot, hot!
-John, these girls could turn me.
-We love you, Bellas!
-One, two, three, four.
(Bellas perform “Price Tag” “Don’t You Forget About Me” and “Give Me Everything”)
-Way to go, Beca!
-What a show!
-I think we have just seen some a cappella history being made, John.
-And from an all-female group, Gail, I could never have called this one.
-Never. Well you are a misogynist at heart, so there’s no way you would have bet on these girls to win.
-Weren’t they incredible? Wow! Ladies and gentlemen, let’s give it up again for the Barden Bellas!
-Told you. Endings are the best part.
-You’re such a weirdo.

-Listen up, a-ca-ballers. I have been rejected by the Army, shoved into a Dora the Explorer backpack, and pushed into the girls’ locker room wearing nothing but suspenders. But no matter. I am in the world that I love. And with the assistance of my boy Justin…
-My liege.
-I launch this year’s auditions. Belly roll. The most recent ICCA national champion winners get to pick the audition song.
(whisper among themselves)
-Alright nerds. Let’s go with…

(CLOSING CREDITS “We Came To Smash (In A Black Tuxedo)”)
-Because I have nodes.
-Oh, Chloe, don’t worry. It’s just God punishing you ‘cause you’re a ginger.        
(“Toner” – Christopher Beck and Mark Kilian)    

Copyright © 2012 UNIVERSAL STUDIOS
All rights reserved.
Gold Circle Films